


Footsteps in the Night

by itssoverynicetomeetyou



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, just a plot bunny that refused to go away, nb!Yaz, non-binary Yaz, not canon at all, period fic, yaz figuring themself out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17211893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itssoverynicetomeetyou/pseuds/itssoverynicetomeetyou
Summary: so this is waaaaay longer than the first chapter, but I couldn't really see anywhere to break it into a third chapter so here you go :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [couragetofight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/couragetofight/gifts).



Yaz woke up with a start, staring wildly about the dark room. She caught sight of the clock on the bedside table. 2:30 am. Fantastic. It had only been an hour since she went to bed. She rolled over onto her side and tried to go back to sleep but it was useless; she was awake now. Sighing, she flipped onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

She could have sworn it was too dark to see the ceiling before.

Now, the ceiling was gently swirling with colourful clouds of gas and dust with little flashes of light as stars were born. She smiled at the view, lost in the beauty. Eventually, her brain refused to keep quiet and she had to get out of bed, but not before she gave the wall an affectionate stroke and a whispered thank-you.

She was jittery. Was that the right word? She just felt like she had to keep moving, as if it would silence the havoc in her brain. Was this how the Doctor felt? Was this why she was never still? She started jogging on the spot, unable to fight the impulse any more. The TARDIS seemed to notice her activity and slowly brought up the lights in her room so that she didn’t bump into anything. Yaz tried to smile thankfully at the ceiling but somehow it came out as a grimace. She stopped still suddenly, aware that she’d been running almost all day. Why did she feel like this? A dreading panic started creeping up on her and she tore herself away from her thoughts, opening her bedroom door and stepping out into the corridor.

Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot.

She didn’t know where she was running, she just needed to run. Any time the corridors around her looked vaguely familiar, she veered off until she was lost again. The feeling of panic crept up on her again and she quickened her pace, instinctively trying to get away from it until she was sprinting down the corridors, breaths coming quick and ragged.

Did she just see a swish of pale blue fabric? Yaz didn’t think any more, emptying her mind.

“Yaz?” The Doctor asked, looking after her friend in confusion.

*****

The next night was the same thing, her head pounding until her feet started hitting the ground in the same rhythm. Every time the sense of dread crept up on her, she ran faster, vainly trying to empty her mind. She didn’t know what she was trying to empty it of, she just knew that whatever it was, it would destroy her. She could feel it in her bones, in her heart.

*****

The Doctor stayed up the third night, trying to find out who was sprinting past her workshop in the middle of the night. Her workshop was buried down a web of corridors that even she got lost in sometimes. It wasn’t that her friends weren’t welcome in there, it just…it felt wrong to have anyone else in there. It was her space, where she was free to curse and shout and smile and laugh and cry and…what was the phrase Ryan had taught her? Have all the feels.

But the last two nights, someone had come pounding past as if a horde of Daleks were on their heels. She thought she’d caught sight of Yaz’s long hair whipping around the corner but she wasn’t sure.

But the footsteps never came.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is waaaaay longer than the first chapter, but I couldn't really see anywhere to break it into a third chapter so here you go :)

On the third night Yaz woke after an hour of sleep, again. Anyone else would have been seriously wobbly on their feet after so little sleep but months of strange shifts as a police officer had shifted her body’s definition of a ‘normal’ amount of sleep. But this time she didn’t have the urge to run. The feeling of wrongness still pervaded her, but this time she knew she couldn’t outrun it.

And then she felt it, the dull warning ache in her stomach that she dreaded every month. Suddenly the last two nights made sense. Of course she’d be trying to get away from the hell she was about to experience. Swearing into the darkness, she hauled herself out of bed in search of a bathroom.

*****

Yaz hadn’t come for breakfast. Ryan was confused; she was always there first, freshly out the shower, half-finished mug of tea clutched in her hands as she waited for the kettle boil to make tea for the others. The kitchen had felt strangely empty without her this morning. Graham and the Doctor had talked excitedly about some planet or other, but Ryan just stared at the empty chair opposite him. Their conversation would normally interest him but this morning it just felt wrong. He made an extra big mug of tea and mumbled an excuse, determined to find his friend.

The TARDIS lit up lights along the wall, leading him to Yaz’s room. The door was still shut and he knocked, hoping for an answer. When none came he gingerly opened the door, keeping his eyes closed.

“Please be awake and dressed.” The response was a low groan. “Yaz?” His eyes flew open and he took in the large ball of blankets in the middle of the bed. Something in it shifted and he could just about make out some eyes and a nose. “I, er, I brought you some tea.” The eyes welled up.

“Oh, Ryan, you’re so sweet.” The ball started to shake. Ryan gave a start, unsure what to do.

“Ouch!” He yelped, hurriedly putting the mug of tea on the floor and wiping at his burned hand.

“Now you’re hurt. Ryan just go, I’m only making things worse.” Ryan looked up at the ball but couldn’t see Yaz anymore.

“Uh, ok. Yell if there’s anything I can do.” The ball gave a large sniff. He retreated and closed the door only to bump into the Doctor.

“AH! Ryan!” The Doctor caught herself and tried to help Ryan up from the floor where he’d fallen. “Is everything ok? I heard a yell.”

“I spilled tea on myself, that’s all. But I think Yaz is upset.” He gave her door a worried glance.

“Yaz? Upset? Can’t have that. You go back to the kitchen, finish your breakfast. I’ll fix this.” The Doctor patted Ryan on the back and watched him slowly walk away. Letting her face briefly show her worried frown, she gave a quick knock and opened the door.

“Yaz?” The blankets gave no response. Without thinking, the Doctor crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to the pile, draping her arm awkwardly over the top.

“Go ’way,” Yaz mumbled.

“Sorry Yaz, I can’t do that.” The Doctor replied. “See, there’s this strange law of physics that only applies in the TARDIS but is so strong that even I can’t ignore it. The law says that the more upset someone is, the more they pull in other people to cheer them up. It’s a really fantastic one really, it means that you can never be sad on your own for too long.” The Doctor tried to give her a reassuring squeeze. The blankets shuffled awkwardly and Yaz’s head popped out the top, her hair sticking up all over the place.

“You’re lying.” What should have been a jovial comment came out with a miserable sniff. The Doctor leaned back in mock affront.

“Yasmin Kahn how could you say such a thing? I never lie!” When Yaz failed at even a teary grimace, the Doctor fell serious.

“What’s wrong?” Yaz sighed. How could she explain? She’d barely begun to understand it herself.

“It’s my period.” She started. The Doctor opened her mouth to offer biscuits or anything else she could remember from the various companions she’d had on board the TARDIS. Chocolate. That was always a favourite. She looked at Yaz but her words died on her lips. Her eyes were full of tears and she could see Yaz starting to shut down, as if she was expecting to be cut off. The Doctor closed her mouth again and gave Yaz an encouraging squeeze.

It took a few moments for Yaz to work up the courage to speak again. When she did, it was almost a whisper.

“I feel all wrong. Not like the whole ‘I’m in pain and constantly want chocolate’ kind of wrong, although that’s definitely part of it, but this whole thing just feels…wrong.” She gave another miserable sniff. “I can’t find any other words for it.” The Doctor paused, waiting to see if Yaz had anything else to say. Beside her, the bundle of blankets started to shake again. “I don’t feel like myself right now and I hate it.”

“When do you feel like yourself?”

“All the time.” Yaz answered quickly. Too quickly. The Doctor raised an eyebrow and Yaz thought about it. “Most of the time. When I’m helping people, hanging out with friends, travelling with you.” For the first time, Yaz gave a tentative smile. “But not when I’m on my period. Or wearing a dress. Or a skirt.” The smile was replaced with a frown. “We had a big party for my Nanni’s birthday last year and Mum made me wear a dress for it and I spent the whole day wishing I was back in my trousers.” The Doctor laughed and shook her own leg.

“I agree, trousers are great.” Yaz laughed a little, then fell silent once more, worrying at her lip.

“Doctor,” she paused and took a deep breath. “Are you a girl?”

“What?” The Doctor replied, confused. Yaz mistook the response as offence and retreated back into her blanket.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I-”

“Yaz, it’s okay.” The Doctor cut her off. “I guess I’ve never thought about it.” Yaz’s head popped out of the blankets once more.

“I’m definitely not a man anymore. And, well, yeah. Yeah, I think it suits me. I’m a girl.” Her childish grin was impossible to ignore and Yaz found herself smiling despite her mood.

“I think it suits you too.” She took another breath. “But I don’t think it suits me.” The Doctor quirked her head. “I don’t think I’m a girl. I _know_ I’m not a girl. And having a period just sucks. It’s the most girly thing that can happen to me and it’s not like wearing a dress cos I can just take that off. I just have to wait for it to be over, knowing that it’s just _wrong_.” The Doctor gave an encouraging smile.

“Ok.” Yaz looked at her in confusion. “You’re not a girl. You’re still you, though. You’re still brilliant.” Yaz smiled. “Is your name ok? Do you want me to use something else?” Yaz shook her head.

“No, I like Yaz, just not so keen on Yasmin. Could you call me they instead of she?” Their voice quavered at the question, despite all the good signals that Doctor had given them.

“Course.” The Doctor smiled again before standing up. “Is there anything I can get you? Tea? Hot water bottle? Chocolate?” Yaz groaned at the mention of the word and the Doctor grinned. “Chocolate it is then.” Just as she turned to the door, Yaz called her name and made her stop.

“Thank you for letting me talk to you. I knew it all already, it just… I really helped, putting it into words and saying them to you.” The Doctor’s smile softened.

“Any time, Yaz.”

*****

The Doctor entered the kitchen and was immediately greeted with Ryan and Graham questioning her about their friend. Somehow Graham still had the wrong end of the stick and thought the yelp from earlier had been Yaz. Eventually, the Doctor got them to stop asking questions and listen to her answers.

“Yaz will be fine, they just need a bit of a rest.” She watched her friends closely, wondering how long it would take them to clock on to the pronoun change. Graham frowned slightly, but Ryan broke out in a soppy grin.

“What can I get them? Tea? Chocolate?” He leapt up and started rummaging in the cupboards.

“Just chocolate thanks, Ryan.” The Doctor replied. Ryan swiftly found the stash of goodies and handed the Doctor the biggest bar he could find.

“Send her- them my best, won’t you, Doc?” Graham piped up just as she was leaving the room.

The Doctor smiled. She’d picked the most brilliant friends in the universe.

**Author's Note:**

> Massive props to couragetofight who has also written non-binary Yaz… those are the only stories I can find if there are more sorry I've missed them also tell me what they are because I love reading it!  
> Hope this is enjoyable/helps make sense of some things for people. I basically projected some stuff onto Yaz because I need a Doctor cuddle (don't we all). Not intended to be the be all and end all story for all people who have periods but aren't girls, just one side of it.  
> Anyone who has gone/is going through this, massive hug from me. It utterly sucks, doesn't it?


End file.
